It's been a long long time

What I should be doing right now is the piles of laundry that are accumulating dust on my bedroom floor or maybe reading a book or even more productive, preparing things for camp but no it is way cooler to hang out on my bed and post about being lazy and having fun.



So August 16th was Kevin and Carol's wedding...I didn't get many pictures but I stole a few from others to share with you:

Courtney and I decided to take some self portraits whilest walking to the ceremony site.

I have never been part of a wedding party so I had no clue just how time consuming all the pre wedding photos are...it was SO SO SO hot and we were trying our best not to sweat and ruin our newly done hair and makeup.

The entire wedding party including the newly named Mr. & Mrs. Kevin Florence.

I have not been to many weddings however, this will top them all I am sure. Kevin and Carol had such a beautiful ceremony! They chose the vows out of Ruth Chapter 1, it was truly amazing. I am so so so happy for them!

Also...

If there are pygmy animals, I thought, there must be oversized animals.




Then I freaked out because life (with the assistance of google) is so good.

I Love Pygmy Animals!

Meet the pygmy owl...where might I purchase one?
Also, one of these...the pygmy African hedgehog...
...and last but certianly not least, the pygmy teeny tiny monkey.

Thank you google, thank you!

Sometimes I Meet and Spend Time with Really Great People

So today was quite a day.




I went to bed at 5:30 this morning (Sunday, not Monday, I know its confusing) because I am crazy. Also, nocturnal. The bummer is that I had to be up at 7:15 am because Marc is out of town and Sunday set-up was my project. So, after roughly 2 hours of sleep I got out of bed and made coffee, took a shower and got ready for my morning which was sure to be long and quite possibly annoying. You see, I work for a oh so tiny church plant here in mid-town where about 25 people worship regularly. Because of our age and size we are renting a local community theatre so we have to set up and tear down, well, I and maybe one or two others have to set up and tear down. Since Marc is out of town a little extra responsibility lies in my hands. Anyhow, I got to church and things were going smooth. All of my help showed up on time, things were good to go...not without the normal projector issues...the guest preacher arrived just in time, I had a big cup of coffee and 2 shortbread cookies ready to help me conquer my morning. Luckily the sermon was really captivating and I never dozed off, not even once. I ended up going to lunch with some folks and didn't get home until about 2:30 pm. By this time I was sort of loopy and needed a nap so by 3 o'clock I was curled up under the comfort of my fan and blanket ready to loose at least 2 hours to a much needed time of rest.




I woke up to a full house: Sally, Phil, Carol & Courtney (the boys, sadly, are still on tour). The girls and I had plans to meet up with Merril who we met through...well to keep you from being confused, we met her through the boys record label owner. She is the sweetest. We had a lovely evening eating Zelda's pizza, drinking wine and later coffee and just talking about everything that we could possibly fit in. It has been really nice getting to know her a little bit every time the boys have a show and we are all really excited to hang out with her before she takes off to Italy...yes, Italy! She is a really refreshing reminder that there are really good and genuine people in the world who love just meetings others and talking about whatever happens to come up. It was such a good night, I nice wrap up to my weekend of solitude.




Did I mention that the girls abandoned me this weekend for Oakhurst but since I have to work on Sundays I could not go? It was so sad but it also brought me some good times. I think that my time alone helped me to gather my thoughts a little bit, it was so sad but in the long run I think that it was more helpful than not.




Also, my friend the dove had her babies and they have flown away :( What is the gestation period for a dove? I feel like those kids were eggs then adolescents in a matter of weeks.




I feel like I should try to get some sleep tonight since I have a long day (a long week for that matter) ahead of me.




I still want to go home but I am glad that my weekend wasn't as awful as I thought it would be.

Sometimes I Feel Like A Bad Person...

Maybe I am a bad person, maybe I am not really good at loving people, maybe I am not good at being selfless. Perhaps there are times when I cannot get outside of the negative world that I have created in my head. The truth is that I lived for a very long time disliking people, thinking that everyone was lame and none of those lame-o's understood how hard it was to be me. Luckily, I abandoned the angst shortly after high school and I came to realize that life is not all about me and how sorry for myself I can feel. I think what happened is that I found grace and I learned how to love, I learned that reciprocity is important and conditions are lame. Somehow from the angst to the grace I think I may have lost my backbone. I think I lost my ability to stand up for myself and speak up when people hurt me. I would so much rather take peoples crap if it means that they will be okay than speak up and protect my emotional stability.

I am saying so little with so many words right now...it is ridiculous.

All of the aforementioned fluff is to say that lately I have felt used, under appreciated and tired. I don't fell like I am a person who does things to be thanked. In fact, I would much rather be a wallflower than be noticed but lately I feel very invisible. I am not sure how to describe it, I am not sure if it makes me a bad person when I say like I feel sort of stepped on. I have lived most of my life unnoticed, feeling so very invisible (there are exceptions of course) so when I feel used I just want to freak the hell out. Anyhow, the way I deal with this feeling is I turn myself off. It's kind of a talent or the worst quality ever. I just sort of turn off my emotions, I turn into a bit of a zombie. I don't engage people. I flip a tiny switch in my heart and I go cold. It's terrible. It is the worst way to live and I am so tired of it. I am not sure how to fix myself, I was advised to talk to the people who hurt me, let them know that I am saddened by their actions or lack thereof. That scares me. That sort of confrontation makes me die inside, I don't want to upset my friends. Perhaps these friends will read this and then I will have no choice-luckily I don't share my blog with many people. Is it wrong to love the people in your life so much that you sacrifice yourself to the point of mild meltdowns in order to afford them as much happiness as possible? Yes, it is. What do I do now? Grow a pair? Deal with it? Run into the shelter of solitude? What I am realizing about myself is that I am not a very good friend and perhaps I am a bad person. POOP!

Also, thanks.

I am over it...

...I want to go home!!